My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
