If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
