TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just high enough for therapy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
