this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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