i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
