My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
