I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
