Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
