Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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