I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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