I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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