i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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