Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
