i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize