Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
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I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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