I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
