Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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