On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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