would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
