when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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