Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i think i have two assholes
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
