I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
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Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.