On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.