i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car