So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother