I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
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We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
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I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home