The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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