Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Did we literally take a cab across the street
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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