you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
