I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
