return my video game
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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