Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
