I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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