handjob tips. give me some.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
