haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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