Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
