you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
