Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
