i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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