I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He did a backflip because drugs
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