I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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