mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
