Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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