You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
