Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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