There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
