I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
