This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
