i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
