drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
