I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
