I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.