This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize