I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat