I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.