we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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