He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
