it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
