but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize