Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
