You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
