I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
