Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
