i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
