My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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