Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
