you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
