Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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