we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
