I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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