hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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