you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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