Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
